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Bolde published a commentary identifying eight everyday phrases that, it argues, can conceal distress in men taught not to complain. The examples are illustrative, not a validated screening tool, and the report does not provide study data showing how often men use them or what they mean in individual cases.
Bolde has published a commentary arguing that men raised to avoid complaining may use phrases such as “I’m good” and “I’ll figure it out” when they are struggling. The article links those expressions to learned emotional restraint, but offers them as examples rather than a clinically tested way to identify distress.
The article lists eight phrases: “I’m good,” “It is what it is,” “I’ve dealt with worse,” “I’ll figure it out,” “I’m tired,” “Don’t worry about me,” “It’s not a big deal,” and “I don’t need anything.” Bolde interprets them as possible ways to deflect concern, minimize a problem, or avoid asking for help. The meaning, however, depends on the speaker and situation; none of the phrases alone establishes that a person is in distress.
To explain its interpretation, the report discusses research and writing on masculine norms and emotional expression. It cites psychologist Ronald Levant’s work on emotional restriction as a feature of traditional masculinity, and refers to psychologist Tyger Latham’s discussion of alexithymia, a term for difficulty identifying or describing feelings. It also cites social psychologist Ilan Shrira on the social pressures that can discourage men from expressing emotion.
The source material ends partway through a reference to Cleveland Clinic psychologist Adam Borland. It does not include his full statement, link to research supporting each phrase, or describe interviews or a method used to determine that these are the “usual” phrases. The article’s central point is best read as an interpretation of communication patterns, not a measured finding about all men.
When Everyday Reassurance May Hide Strain
If a person repeatedly says “I’m fine” while withdrawing, struggling to sleep, or avoiding support, the mismatch between words and behavior may prompt a thoughtful check-in. Bolde’s examples draw attention to how learned expectations around self-reliance can make it harder for some men to name what they need. That matters to partners, relatives, friends, and clinicians who may otherwise take a reassuring phrase at face value.
At the same time, treating a stock phrase as proof of a problem risks misreading someone. Context and a sustained change in behavior matter more than a single sentence. The article does not establish that men who use these expressions are depressed, grieving, or experiencing another specific condition. Its practical implication is modest: ask with care, listen without assuming, and make room for an honest answer.
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The Ideas Behind the Eight Phrases
Bolde frames the expressions as learned responses, passed through families and social expectations that prize being steady, useful, and undemanding. In its account, phrases such as “I’ve dealt with worse” compare present difficulty with past hardship, while “It’s not a big deal” minimizes a problem before a longer conversation can begin. These are the article’s interpretations, not independently verified explanations for every person who uses the words.
The report invokes work on traditional masculine norms and alexithymia to explain why some people may find emotional language difficult. Those concepts provide background for the commentary, but the source does not show that they apply to everyone described or that any particular phrase is a reliable indicator. No survey, sample size, or prevalence estimate is provided.
““I’m good””
— Bolde article
self-help journal for emotional expression
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What the Phrase List Cannot Establish
The report does not provide evidence that these eight phrases are used more often by men raised not to complain, or quantify how commonly that upbringing shapes adult communication. It gives no study design, data, comparison group, or clinical validation for using the expressions to identify distress. The article also does not establish that the phrases mean the same thing across relationships, cultures, or circumstances.
It remains unclear what full statement Bolde intended to attribute to Adam Borland: the supplied source cuts off mid-sentence. The article’s cited research and commentary are not set out in enough detail here to check the claims against the original publications. A phrase may be a warning to pay closer attention, but it cannot diagnose a mental-health condition.
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How to Respond Without Assuming
Bolde does not announce a formal follow-up, study, or clinical guidance based on the list. Readers concerned about someone can treat a repeated change in mood or behavior as a reason to ask an open, nonjudgmental question, rather than confronting the person with a diagnosis. For example, asking whether they want to talk or what kind of support would help leaves space for an answer other than reassurance.
Further evidence would be needed to establish whether these expressions reliably indicate distress or how often they occur in the group described. Until then, the article’s phrases are conversation prompts, not a checklist. If distress is persistent or affecting daily life, a qualified health professional can help assess what is happening and discuss support.
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Key Questions
What eight phrases does the Bolde article identify?
It lists “I’m good,” “It is what it is,” “I’ve dealt with worse,” “I’ll figure it out,” “I’m tired,” “Don’t worry about me,” “It’s not a big deal,” and “I don’t need anything.”
Do these phrases prove that someone is struggling?
No. A phrase alone cannot establish distress or diagnose a condition. Meaning depends on the person, circumstances, and any broader changes in behavior.
Does the article provide research showing how common the phrases are?
No study data, sample size, or prevalence estimate is included in the supplied report. It presents the phrases as illustrative examples, not measured findings.
How can someone check in with a man who seems to be withdrawing?
Ask calmly and specifically whether he wants to talk or would welcome help, then listen without pressing him to use particular words. If the concern persists or affects daily life, professional support may be appropriate.
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